- Mitt Romney: Hello everyone, I really want to attract the young people and show the youth of America how swell and fun Mitt Romney is.
- Strategist #1: Ok.
- Strategist #2: Ok. Did you have anything in mind?
- Mitt Romney: How about polo shirts that say "Romney is Dandy" that we give away at free dressage events? My kids absolutely love polo shirts and dressage.
- Strategist #2: What is dressage? Is that the thing where people dress up as Hobbits and battle with swords?
- Strategist #1: I think it is a more general costume party thing.
- Mitt Romney: No, dressage is a wonderful competitive sport revolving around the display of equestrian artistry. It might be the finest of all sports.
- Strategist #1: Ok. How about we think of the ideas and you give us feedback?
- Mitt Romney: Ok.
- Strategist #1: A viral video parody of The Wire.
- Strategist #2: Nice idea.
- Mitt Romney: I don't know what that means. What is a viral video? That does not sound healthy or remotely aspirational.
- Strategist #2: A viral video is a video put on a service like YouTube for the purposes of catching interest of people who will spread to others via email, IM, and Facebook.
- Mitt Romney: Oh, I know of the Facebook and the YouTube—those are great websites. What is The Wire? Is that another website?
- Strategist #1: According to Wikipedia, The Wire was a complex, multifaceted television series set in urban Baltimore exploring all sorts of institutional dysfunction.
- Strategist #2: I have never watched it, but apparently it is very popular among the young people and liberals.
- Mitt Romney: I have never heard of this The Wire. What television channel did it air on?
- Strategist #1: I think HBO.
- Mitt Romney: No. I'm going to put my foot down—HBO only airs sleazy anti-Mormon programs filled with sex and violence! Nothing on HBO fits the family-friendly mandate for Romney household entertainment content. What else do you have?
- Strategist #2: How about a slogan "Mitt Romney: America's Homie" or "First Homie" or "Homie-in-Chief"? I think the kids still love to call each other homies.
- Mitt Romney: What is a "homie"? Is that someone who loves houses? If so, I think I am very much a homie because I have several houses.
- Strategist #2: No, it's a slang term for a, uh, friend.
- Mitt Romney: Oh, I don't use slang. I also don't understand what that "homie" has to do with "friend." What if we get the rippety rappy guy who does that "Ice Baby Ice" tune to duet with Pat Boone?
- Strategist #2: Vanilla Ice? I don't even know if he is still alive.
- Mitt Romney: Yes, that's the one! The Romney kids love to dance to his music.
- Strategist #1: Oh forget it, this is way too hard—let's just work with various elected and unelected Republican operatives to disenfranchise young people or dissuade them from voting.
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