July 2011
14 posts
A five-year-old attempts standup comedy
My name is Aaron, what is yours?
Hi, what’s up? The ceiling. Hahaha. Do you get it? The ceiling is above you. That is funny.
Do you know sometimes when you draw outside the line in coloring book because it is really hard to draw? I like to draw with yellow crayons because that is the color of pee-pee.
I don’t understand grownups. My daddy watches a show about a mad daddy called Mad Men. If he wanted to see a mad daddy, why doesn’t he make a grumpy face in the mirror and look at it?
My daddy is funny. He drinks this special juice sometimes and then he sings funny songs and goes to sleep on the carpet. Special juice makes my daddy really smelly.
I think my daddy and mommy might be aliens. Sometimes in their bedroom I can hear them making noises. Mommy says “ohhhh” and daddy says “yes” and it sounds like they are bouncing around. I think they are jumping aliens.
My favorite movie is Cars. I can sound like a car. Vroom vroooooom vroom. Beep beep, I’m a car.
When I grow up, I want to be a ninja Batman space president so I can give timeouts to anyone who gives a kid broccoli or something else yucky and beat them up. I would make mommies and daddies give kids yummy things like chicken nuggets and fruit snacks.
I think a lion can roar better a dinosaur, even though a dinosaur is bigger and can beat up the lion. Roar.
I want to have some candy. Do you have some candy?
Who is eviller: the dentist or the doctor? The doctor wants to give me a shot, but the dentist sticks bad stuff in my mouth. I don’t know.
What is scarier: ghosts or monsters? Are ghosts monsters?
Farts. Hahaha.
Bowties: GAZED AND CONFUSED →
smjacobson.tumblr.com
At 10 o’clock on a recent Sunday morning in Woodland Hills, California I sat in a blindingly lit ballroom at the Marriott, waiting for a man named Braco to come out and gaze upon me. I looked around at the 200 or so people who had paid $8 for the chance to stand in this man’s line of sight. They were a diverse group — elderly non-English speakers in neck braces and wheelchairs, crusty Burning Man punks in their 20s, and the sort of yoga die-hards who can’t sit without resting the backs of their wrists lotus-style on their knees.
My introduction to Braco (pronounced Braht-zoh) — a 43-year-old Croatian who travels the world healing the curious with nothing but the spiritual energy emanating from his soulful basset hound eyes — came from a YouTube video forwarded to me by a friend. In it Bracostands barefoot on a dais and surveys a large crowd with a look like you’d see on a pot-addled museum security guard at the end of his shift.
Scott Jacobson’s account of attending a day of sessions held by a professional “gazer” is well worth reading.
Play
“The creatures in this zoo all have the excellent taste to be in 2D.”
—
Roger Ebert, explaining why he gave the Zookeeper three stars
Does self-parody even count as film criticism?
White Russian Galaxy
The Crimea
The Crimea - “White Russian Galaxy”
Whenever I read something from the New York Times style section, I’m reminded that self-aware people should never take their self-awareness for granted.
Aren’t things as addictive as Game Dev Story supposed to be, you know, illegal?
