February 2011
5 posts
January 2011
15 posts
Some Types of Beliebers and Nonbeliebers
Fundamentalist Biebvangelical: Someone who beliebs in the existence of Justin Bieber and accepts all texts purportedly authored by Justin Bieber as fact.
Biebaism: Typically someone who believes they are one of Justin Bieber’s chosen fans. Also noted for their celebration of Passbieber and Bieberkkuh and their denial of Justin Bieber being the son of Usher.
Biebnostic: Someone who beliebs it is impossible to know if there is a Justin Bieber, or someone who does not think there is a Justin Bieber but doesn’t close the door to the possibility.
Biebtheist: Someone who simply doesn’t belieb Justin Bieber exists and closes the door of any such possibility.
Play
Sometimes, I take a great deal of solace in the fact that those I admire the most are every bit as vulnerable as me.
As someone who was born in Boston, I feel sort of embarrassed to say that I needed subtitles to understand what the hell was being said in the first fifteen minutes of The Town.
I haven't watched the news in the past day, so I'm going to assume these are the new Zodiac signs
ALF
Pac-Man
Crayola crayon
analog clock
basketball
Rejected Jason Statham Vehicles
The Accountant
The Barista
The Cartoonist
The Comedian
The Critic
The Dancer
The Fashion Columnist
The Folk Singer
The Mascot
The Paralegal
The Programmer
Today in lousy pun-related humor
- Darren Roaronfsky was nominated for a Dinosaurs’ Guild Award
- What did the entry-level workers say about the micromanaging cow? He “wanted udder control”
- To combat the decline of print, the publishers of the Farmers’ Almanac announced the publication will move into sodcasting.
- In a new interview with People Magazine, Kevin James opened up about his “Kevin shame.”
Some things I've been told that sound like backhanded compliments
- “You have the musical taste of a semi-voracious thirtysomething record store owner who listens to NPR.”
- “You’re really good at appearing to be on serious drugs. Maybe you should pursue that professionally, perhaps like acting or something.”
- “I never know what you are joking about, but the jokes sound like they probably are funny.”
- “You’re hot in a sorta quirky way.”
- “You’re great at being pretentious.”
- “You are sort of cool for a hipster-in-denial.”
“Fuck, maybe that supposed Tumblr apocalypse was an actual thing and now we are using a post-apocalyptic Tumblr.”
—what I thought when an original piece of content I created went semi-viral on Tumblr
Play
Guy with the world's worst taste in music explains the selections on the mix CD he made for his girlfriend
1) Baja Men - “Who Let The Dogs Out?”
Anna, this song means a whole lot to me and has always been my favorite song since I heard it ten years ago. It is a perfect representation of our relationship because it was like the dogs were being let out when I met you and everything went completely crazy.
2) Black Eyed Peas - “I Gotta Feeling”
Anna, this song is about was what my heart was thinking when I met you: I just had a feeling that it was going to be a great night and the beginning of a great thing. Like you, this song also thought me a lot about your culture — it introduced me to the Jewish concept of “L’chaim,” which means that Jewish people need to celebrate when great things happen. will.i.am and Fergie are just really smart writers.
3) Matisyahu - “King Without a Crown”
When I was researching your Jewish culture, I came across this crazy guy who is like a rabbi who is also a really great reggae guy. I had no idea Jewish dudes were cool like this — I thought all of them were like Jerry Seinfeld.
4) Crazy Town - “Butterfly”
In my opinion, this is the second greatest song ever recorded, after “Who Let the Dogs Out” but it’s definitely the most romantic song ever recorded. Anna, it’s the perfect description of you because you’re my butterfly.
5) P.O.D. - “Alive”
Anna, this is another favorite song that means a lot to me. I didn’t really feel alive before I met you Anna and it’s just a really great, inspiring song about when you encounter something great, like I have when I met you.
6) Jack Johnson - “Flake”
More than any other musician, Jack Johnson epitomizes the sounds of nature and the world at harmony and peace and stuff. This is all how I feel when I’m with you, Anna. It’s like in my favorite movie Avatar how Pandora is such a place of bliss except when the evil people invade.
7) Plain White T’s - “Hey There Delilah”
This is one of the most moving songs I have ever heard. I know it is about someone named Delilah, but you can pretend your name is Delilah or something and make it about you because it is a really sweet song and you are a really sweet girl.
8) Owl City - “Fireflies”
I can’t believe that a guy who is only 21 can write a song that is so beautiful and so learned — this guy is like a prodigy, like the next Mozart or something. To be honest, the song is so wise that I thought a seventy-year-old recorded it.
9) Kings of Leon - “Sex on Fire”
Anna, beyond all the mushy-smushy stuff, you are like the sexiest girl I have ever met, like the Godzilla of Carmen Electras on steroids. Your sex is totally on fire, and I have to try hard not be aroused whenever I am in your presence. This song a raw, real and authentic, just like you.
10) Neon Trees - “Animal”
This is my favorite new song, and it’s just really fun and weird and avant-garde. Most importantly, the lyrics and the harmonies are smart, clever and cunning, just like you. Anna, you are a funny genius, so this song is perfect for you and I wanted to leave this mix CD on a high note.
